just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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