dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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