i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You need a sexual gate keeper
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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