i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
