It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
