Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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