i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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