watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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