Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
