This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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