i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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