no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
