first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize