I didn't shave. On purpose
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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