his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
