youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
