a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
