How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
