i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
