you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
