you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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