she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
