Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
