He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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