I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
