the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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