I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
