You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He passed out mid-signature
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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