If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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