if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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