my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
