I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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