I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
