i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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