I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
