spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
