Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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