if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
