as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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