conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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