i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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