Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
