Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
