The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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