It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
