these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
