dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Two words: blizzard sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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