People with herpes should wear stickers.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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