and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Girls should come with a carfax report
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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