Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
