At least make sure they are 18
Why
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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