I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
