So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
