i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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