it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
