You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
