Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
