Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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