So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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