even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
