You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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