Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The uberlube is also flammable
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
