I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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