Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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