my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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