i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My penis needs a shock collar
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
