shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
