he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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