Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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