dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
