so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
COCAINE IS GR8
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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