good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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