All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
