i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
